Phnom Penh, mid Nov 2010
Flying half way across the world in a day or two
Leaves little time to adjust.
Suddenly you arrive in a bright space
Where the warm air clings
And words whirl round
Like a babble of sound.
No home, no job, no friends.
40 – an age where most people have all that
Plus more: partner, kids, money, status.
But I chose to let it go
And come here following a longing and a call.
It’s an experience of extreme vulnerability
No home, no cover, no security.
Of course back there looks better
Of course voices resonate
And memories of laughter and connection
Loom larger than life.
It’s hard to be in the desert
Even after feeling hemmed in back there.
Now I have to find the energy
The inner resolve
To do it again
To begin life, again.
Would I have been happier if I’d stayed?
Maybe.
More comfortable, more secure.
More understood.
But not true to what’s inside
All the words woven over the years
Needing to work outwards
And not relentlessly over and over themselves.