Look at the berries

Upton Cottage, Loftus, 12/09/16

Lately I’ve been fretful and regretful
of all the poems I’ve not written
all the words that came at stupid times
when I was unprepared and too tetchy
to pick up a pen and pin them down.
It’s brought a heaviness and a weariness
that’s not helped to write anything new.
Like a clinging unresolved grief
stuck in what could have been.

Only on long walks thoughts have come flying
Passing hedgerows of heavy fruit
and fields of flagging corn
the words buzz and bumble
And I urge my brain to retain them.
But when I’m home with pen in hand
I see that what I’ve caught
is just a tame reflection
of the wildness that once was,
not that long ago.

Today though, it occurs
That all those words
Are not a waste.
Nature isn’t bothered
If her flowers aren’t all seen
And that most of the berries
Will go to seed….

Forest Church

Upton Cottage, Loftus,10/09/16  

More and more I’m finding

that going into a church

is like going into a tomb.

A place that feels cold and restricted.

And the only way to endure it

is to layer up

and imagine the joy inside me

dancing like a small child.

Instead of stone walls

I long for trees

and a cloud splattered sky

instead of a painted ceiling.

I want to lie

in a leaf-floored forest

And watch the screech owls

take flight.

See the red squirrels acrobat.

Stay long enough

to glimpse

the shy roe deer…..

On writing

Upton Cottage, Loftus,10/09/16  

Strong, fierce thoughts keep coming at me.

Great upswells of ideas and inspirations.

Swarms of words, racing and rising.

I love the moments when they come

and carry me along.

Love the heady thought

of capturing them, completely,

and dropping them, ready-made, on the page.

But they come too fast

and I feel ill-equipped to catch them.

My pen too slow, my mind too wired.

If only they would settle

and form an orderly queue,

prioritise themselves rationally

and wait their turn.

But like the wastefulness of sperm,

I wonder if I should just let them go

and enjoy the ride.

And perhaps not be too surprised

if one lingers long enough

to bed in and fertilise.